>When my town got monsterized, all the plants in my garden were transformed into their demonic versions.
That also includes the odd venus flytrap that was growing right next to the entrance to my territory.
>I wasn’t much worried when I found out that a vampire I’ve been trolling on 69Mon has learned where I live, because they cannot enter into a house without the owner’s permission.
When the door to my bedroom opened, and a black shadow hovered inside, I’ve learned an important difference between owning a house and simply renting it.
>When the Chief God fell, angels have lost most of their power, so when a valkyrie approached to me and tried to talk about chivalry and heroic spirit, I simply told her to fuck off.
The next time I saw her, I was reminded that they easily regain the lost power when they morph into daemons.
>I aggressively supported the new law allowing monster-girls to claim any man they fancy by any means, and banning any self-defence against such acts for men, because ultimately, all monster-girls have only the best intentions for us anybody opposing such pure love is an idiot who deserves to be raped.
Never thought that, of all the luck, I’ll have a fucking mindflayer interested in me.
>I laughed at my friend’s warnings as he mentioned alps; the Adam’s apple would give away the gaywads in no time.
Thanks to the monster magic, alps mimic women down to the last detail, and are virtually indistinguishable from a real woman.
>I think I’ve got the attention of a lilim!
That would explain the sudden feeling of terror striking me randomly, crippling nightmares, and those red, glowing eyes I swear I could see from a distance watching me on a couple of occasions.
>I live in Dragonia, so everybody’s used to big flying shapes crossing the skies above.
And you can never tell if any one of them is gonna swoop down on you and claim you faster than you can react.
>It was satisfying to see a manticore, just about to rape me, suddenly cower and retreat in fear as I pulled out my gun.
Until she started pointing nervously at something behind me.
>Spider-girls, despite the popular misconception, are visually indistinguishable from regular women, so marrying an Arachne isn’t as gross as it sounds.
Besides, you can be pretty sure that, like with regular spiders, some of them already live in quiet corners of your house where you almost never look.
>If you stand atop a tall peak and shout, it will echo across the valley.
The dragon living in the cave just below might hear it, too.
>I was invited to a phantom re-enaction party, where we would live out the story and experiences of the characters of a famous movie!
I’ve never heard of 28 Days Later, but people say it’s going to be pretty exciting!
>Without a second thought, I clicked “I Agree to the Terms of Service” so I could continue on with my account creation.
Waking up next to a 593-year-old demon who claimed me to be her property from now on was how I’ve realized the importance of formalities.
>I’ve spent 30 years reverse-engineering monsters’ portals, and finally, I’m ready to get through!
As I found myself standing right in front of a regal-looking lady, eyeing me with a haughty, imperious, yet predatory expression, I realized I should’ve sent an exploratory drone first.
>Sees like I’ve won a trip to Wonderland!
It’s a one-way trip, but I’m sure I’ll get the tickets back when I’m there...
>Recently, my neighbor bought herself a necklace made of glowing red metal from Lescatie.
It’s getting harder and harder to avoid her red, glowing eyes staring at me, and she gets closer to me with every day.