>>39768 she does what

>>39763 newspaper for basic self defense 20 tennis balls for distractions I take the secret option of "a few rolled up bedsheets" so I can pull off a disappearing act if I get cornered. none of them have object permanence

>>39763 >10 tennis balls >20 squeaky balls How am I supposed to carry that?! I’ll run into a hound, trip and spill like 30 balls in all directions. She’s going to think I’m nuts, or be very excited.

>>39771 Just ask a dog to help you carry them, they're friendly.

>>39763 I need a jar of peanut butter. I will simply request any monster girl to help me find a suitable Anubis to share my snack with. This plan cannot fail as I will make sad puppy eyes at any rapey mamono who attempts to rape me. Conversely, with my destined Anubis, when she starts to rape I will simply tell her to “Roll initiative!”

>>39710 >haku mumbling "do as I say, not as I do" as she throws away all technique with reckless abandon and just nudges your cock into her deepest folds and rabbit humps to squeak out another selfish orgasm

>>39750 I love my auntster

>>39607 Ushi-Oni, mershark, succubus i think

>>39776 So, do all 3 wives have sharp teeth? Or just the ushi and the mershark? Wondering if there's a pattern you're going for there with Bitey Ladies.

>>38670 >being an imaginary friend for a monster Can we swap every now and then? This sounds like a lot of fun. >realizes she has what she wants most in life >abandons all notions of appearing sane before the public and talks to you out loud >deranged whispering to herself (meant for you, and it all makes perfect sense) >every time she gets scared or upset or annoyed she beckons you forth for comforting incomprehensible seed planting

>>39778 >comforting incomprehensible seed planting AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! This garden is never going to grow worth a shit if she keeps this up!

>>39780 WAN WANWANWAN WANWANWANWANWAN

>>39689 god i love pudgy monsters

>>39783 yeah

>>39785 did not know pudgy inverted nipples slime was something I wanted until I saw it

>>39763 I will only take the Cheshire soft toy, hug it really hard on my chest to ward off evil and repeat saint cheshum prayers in honor of Eros. It should be clear that I prefer purple and kot

>>39777 dunno just like em i guess big, soft women who are brimming with passion and compassion in equal measure. strong enough to trust and yet drive me to be better for it. Lovely enough that just spending time in each others arms is bliss but robust enough that we can pour all our passions into each other when they should rise. And not so exotic that i have to completely change regions cause my ass is too poor for that. Ushi is a cuddle monster. Likes it slower and intimate but still prefers top. Enjoys the colder months, crafts both fine and large things. Likes having cat sleep on top of her while doing stationary arts, casseroles, having her fur brushed. Dislikes having her horns touched and damp fur, frequently complains about heat and stays in ocean breeze or inside as much as possible. Bricc build. Reserved in public, likes trying to be a 'proper' housewife. >mershark Toned, gives as good as she gets. Not necessarily competitive but loves the back and forth thrill. Loves to bite and be bitten, to pin and be pinned. Will do a jaws bit at least once every summer. Likes vidya as much as working out, prefers coop. Enjoys savory and fried stuff, loves the full moon on a calm night or fireworks. Prefers warm and wet seasons. Direct and uncouth but easily embarrassed if she starts something she can't finish. Likes feeling normal skin and hair. >Succubus Full bodied and a deep tan. Regal, matronly bearing but not arrogant or overbearing. Likes to sit back and watch events unfold, helping them along, before engaging herself. Prefers prone positions. Enjoys helping with cooking, likes baking. Likes stormy weather and massages, being 'serviced' in general. Likes pies but not great with spice. Writes in her spare time, lots of poetry but a novel or two on the back burner. Most sociable with neighbors, weakspot for playing with cat. Mershark gives massages often, rough scales help exfoliate the skin. Both others help push ushi to the finish line and exhaust her stamina faster so they're not fighting her all night, succ magic is obviously more effective but it doesn't stop shork from claiming a lion's share of the glory. Succ and ushi like doing companion pieces when ushi is in a drawing/painting mood but more often the latter is trying to work her claws for threaded crafts like macrame or felt dolls. Ushi occasionally lets her inner chuuni out when challenged to something by shark, will inevitably end with one either soaked or tied up. Shark scared of hurricanes, buries herself into someone's chest for the hours until the worst passes despite all assurances that arm thick spider silk and magic on top of concrete walls will keep it together.

Do you think anyone can just move into a dungeon? Monsters live in there so I don't see why a human can't. I'd bet living in a dungeon with all your dungeon mates would be pretty comfy.

>>39768 The creaking beds...

>>39789 Yes you can even be a mini boss or even the final evil boss. Resident of the dungeon and adventurers will flirt with you. If you want something more cozy and calm, or pondering in your lonely, isolated, sorcerer tower is also a possibility.

>>39761 >having safe practice sex with your pyrow personal sex trainer >pull out after cumming >notice the condom broke >she goes <looks like we're gonna have a kid, lol

>>39791 Do NOT set up your own tower, or else the AODM (Association of Dungeon Minions) will demand that you hire at least one monster per tower floor because it is clearly a dungeon (they lobbied that the definition of "dungeon" includes spellcaster towers, regardless of current occupational status of said tower). Not only will they try to force you to hire monsters, your home will be open to sanctioned "dungeon raids" and meatheads like salamanders or hellhounds WILL carry off your arcane instruments because "shiny loot"

>>39791 Sounds comfy, just got to pick the right dungeon.

>be low level mamono realm dungeon lord >take over a ruined fort >situate self at top floor, stock lower levels with traps and guardians >flying mamono just skip the whole thing >lodge complaint with adventurer's guild saying mamono are bypassing the spirit of the dungeon with flight and to stop sending flying mamono there or providing them rumors about my demesne >apparently this is discriminatory against "like a quarter of all mamono" >spend time effort and money moving everything into a subterranean complex >no more flying mamono adventurers >wurm barges straight into the final chamber from the wall >violates me >takes all my treasure >"nice dungeon idiot" >leaves I HATE this job how the fuck am I supposed to afford an adamantite skycube with one single entrance in this economy this was supposed to be for LOW LEVEL mamono but APPARENTLY wurms can qualify for quests in this area

>>39793 at that point just say fuck it and put out an advert for 20 power liches, at least the resulting undead town won't annoy you while you perform astrology/lunar magic under the eternal night

>>>39795 Take lessons from Etrian Odyssey and hire FOEs to patrol your dungeon floors Common FOE candidates include elves, dragons, liches, sleepy alraunes, mucus toads, cancers, mantises and deer

>>39797 stocking the dungeon doesn't do anything when they just skip it, is the problem how the heck do I stop wurms from just tearing through the walls? I patch them up and they tear them down, and building up instead of down just made flight a problem my dungeon's built for attrition so I can beat mamono in a fight at the end, and I put a LOT of work into making it fun and educational to go through for them. each chamber thoughtfully stocked with a new challenge, plenty of secrets, loads of extra treasure if they keep their eyes peeled. but it's all for nothing, and my guards keep complaining that nothing happens when the adventurers just take the wurm tunnels I can't keep up on. so on top of getting my life's work skipped through I've got a band of bored angry orcs at my door full of complaints, and a gremlin yapping in my ear about how she doesn't get to see her traps go off anymore. and it's somehow MY fault these beginner mamono adventurers have no respect for the craft, they just want to beat the quest and move on

>>39799 Build upwards >but flying mo- invest in bows, trebuchets, cannons, drones, your own anti-air, and tesla coils. Also dragons. Dragons solve everything.

>>39793 It's not a sorcerer tower anymore, just a round, long and pointy house. I already change all the papers and they can't modify it since I'm part of the green realm natural réserve. In exchange I will provide help, healing and simple magical courses to the local community by staying 3 days a week at the local village from 7 am to 8 pm. I can be rad and evil in my tower house the rest of the week. This contract also imply that I have 10 years to find love by creating lasting bond with a villager, a traveler, a forest dweller, an adventurer or any other mamonos. Annoying but better than being a dungeon boss

>>39801 I guess the time for being nice and trying to make it a fun and fair experience and bothering with a budget is over, and it's time to just win. I was hoping for a less extreme answer, but I don't think there is one when mamono like this are getting involved with my previously peaceful novice quest target setup I hope some of the more innocent newbies don't come around to the revamped place, but I already invited them back after sending them packing (softly) last time. especially that nice honor-abiding lizard girl. she swore she'd win next time. but now that I'm incorporating bullshit I'm worried about her. I don't want them all to think I'm mean, but my hand has been forced I gotta get me at least a dozen raiju to keep this lightning storm raging 24/7. and more than just the one gremlin, too. dragons are a good call, and I've got a lich I can probably call up for some more ground troops... >>39802 even though the times have changed and it's getting more annoying to dungeon boss every year, I can't give up this life, it's what I was born to do

>>39793 The trick is to fill the first floor with tin and plastic items that have been covered with a thin gold/silver foil with the occasional colored glass gem glued on. Most adventurers will immediately go for these and skedaddle with their "haul", only to find it's worth barely anything at the local pawn store. The disappointment they experience is enough to make them not want to come back, but not strong enough to induce anger that will make them want to kick the ass of the tower owner (that's you). Because the loot is cheap, it's easy to replace with low level alchemy spells. More experienced adventurers might ignore the first floor and go to the second one, thinking that the real loot is waiting there for "true heroes" who don't just dip at the first easily snatched shiny object. That's why your second floor is going to be "mundanely boring". You're going to put everyday items of somewhat below average quality there, arranged to look like someone's slightly minimalistic studio apartment. Some cheap, flatpack furniture along the wall, a discount store plastic drawer with a minor wobble filled with basic lined notebook paper and ballpoint pens that leave smudges when used. A small collection of plastic plants in one corner, all of which still have visible seams along the parts where they were separated from their molds, sitting in some dollar store mugs. Maybe a pack of microfiber cloths sitting out on a counter as the main treasure, the kind that leave lint behind when you use them to clean something with any amount of vigor. The sheer banality of the floor and loot combined with the cheapness will break even the most ardent adventurer's resolve and they'll quickly excuse themselves to find a different dungeon. Then you can put all your cool wizard shit on floors 3 and above.

>>39804 Congratulations on winning the "Shittiest Dungeon" award.

>>39805 I'll put it on display above my WORKBENCH OF OCCULT KNOWLEDGE that I can study at without being bothered by adventurers thanks to said dungeon shittiness. And since it still meets the minimum dungeon requirements, they can't file for action against me or enforce remodeling.

>>39803 It's fine. The only way those stupid zoomers will learn is through trial-by-fire. That honor-abiding will lizard will grow out of that silly idealism just like you did, and learn to use exploits and broken combos just as you learned to set up kaizo traps It's just the way the world works

>>39806 If you are happy with that i guess. Can't believe anon's fantasy in the wish fullfilment setting is building the shittiest dungeon because of mamono bureaucracy.

>>39806 >that I can study at without being bothered by adventurers thanks to said dungeon shittiness Instead you'll attract an annoying cheshire that keeps teleporting into your room, usually with her bare butt inches away from your face. Every day until you apply rape correction.

>>39808 Wait, I forgot to mention enemies! For floor 1, you're going to have "animated traps". And by animated traps, I mean rakes lying around on the floor given the gold foil treatment to blend in. If someone steps on the rake head the wrong way, it swings up and hits them. That's the trap part. They'll have googly eyes glued to the handle. That's the animated part. Deals damage, but not enough to spark a warrior's heart and they're easy to replace. The second floor enemy (singular) is a knock off brand Roomba at half charge. It needs to be just crappy enough to barely be able to clean the floor and and make a whirring noise just barely audible to the ear, but still able to remove some dust from the floor. This balance is important because you don't want to trigger the instincts of maid monsters. If you get too good a roomba model, they'll treat it as a competitor and will stick around to prove how much better they are than it at cleaning your stuff. If it's too shitty, it'll trigger their empathy and they'll stick around so you'll have someone around to actually help with the cleaning. Naturally, this is bad for your experiments because any wizard worth his mana-infused salts will have all sorts of mess lying around for ease of access and the last thing you want is some fussy maid throwing all your alchemical ingredients and moldering tomes out because it looks like trash to them. The presence of these "enemies" helps prevent the dungeon feds from catching you with a "failure to occupy" violation for your first two floors.

>>39810 At that point, the traps and roomba are going to monsterize and rape you as revenge for the horrible living conditions you put them through.

For me it's a pocket dimension containing ten thousand square miles of randomly generated featureless hallways. You won't have the budget to put anything inside the hallways but you won't need to because after a week of not encountering anything most monsters will just give up and leave.

>>39812 >ten thousand square miles of randomly generated featureless hallways Looks like anon's gonna get targeted by steam early access slop enthusiast mamono

i kind of wonder how monsters would post about us. is there a board of monsters posting about their desire for a tsundere short human to bully? are the less popular monsters sad about it, or are they proud? do lilims still get bullied?

>>39799 >and I put a LOT of work into making it fun and educational to go through for them >T.opman Adventuring 101, the party will always try to cheat you and then taunt you when they when or bitch about how you're cheating against them when they lose. Adventurers feel entitled, thats why you gotta give em the ol' tucker's kobolds from room 1 to put in their head how out of your league they are. Yes, there is an orb of destruction underneath that trap door you triggered by snatching the obviously trapped treasure on a pedestal. No, there are no saves. Back to town with you.

>>39814 the mamonet crosses over with our internet fairly regularly, you can catch it if you keep your eyes peeled

>>39814 I bet they post about archetypes of humans kinda like how we talk about different types of monsters. Canine girls replying with the obligatory "YJK" every time a light skinned boy is posted. >do lilims still get bullied? Yes.

>>39812 Unless navigating a labyrinth is part of the deal, you can get the same effect with just a couple of looping rooms.

>>39752 Yes, fuck niggers

>>39819 thats kind of sad, but oh well

>>39817 >salamanders furiously warriorposting while dark valks relentlessly paladinpost ruins every fucking thread

>>39820 choc girls jokes aside, what do you expect from an imageboard, casual racism has been a staple of them for almost two decades since the OG /b/ times. I don't even know if this thread is racist, we don't talk about RL shit