>be Anon Incognitus
>you and a bunch of monster-girls are thinking of creating a power metal band!
>you're not a perfect line-up, but you've got all you need
>there's Linda Si, the automaton
>she'll be in charge of generating lyrics and sequencing riffs
>there's Nona, the red ogre
>she's constantly drunk and angry, a perfect drummer for your energetic blast-beats
>there's Ratchet, the gremlin
>she's gonna be in charge of all your special effects
<"Doggamnit, why's that every time you need special effects, it's a gremlin? I'm sick 'n' tired of those stereotypes! I wanna be on vocals!"
"Ratchet, honey, you know your voice is a bit high-pitched..."
<[Ratchet] "We're a power metal band, the voice is supposed to be high-pitched there! Unless you're talking Gamma Ray or something. But we're not them, so here we go!"
"But we'll need someone on the tech side of--"
<"If I'm not gonna be the vocalist, I'm just gonna use my high-pitched voice to annoy the living guts of you! REEEEEEEEEE-REREREREREEEE--"
"Alright, alright! You go on the mic."
>there's Selena, the gandharva
>she's the only one with decent music taste, so you keep her away from composing songs, and instead she'll stay on the bass
>there's Carmina, the vampire
>she's a big sucker, a perfect representation for your band
>and, of course, there's you!
>the heavy metal kid, metal's running in your blood
>which is not that much of an exaggeration, given that there's some iron in oxidized form trapped in your red blood cells
>whatever, it's time to write some songs!
<[Linda] "FIGHT THE SWORD WITH YOUR DRAGON... or was it supposed to go the other way?"
>Ratchet is practicing her power-metal singing, she's reached the third octave and is holding up alright
>you're trying to find the right riffs for your songs, end up copying Rebellion in Dreamland
>[Carmina] "What the fuck am I even doing there..."
>well, the start is a bit rocky, but it's a start nevertheless
>meanwhile, Selena is silently practicing her bass line
>bit by bit, your band improves, writing better songs
>Linda learned to generate lyrics that almost rival Manowar's songwriting
>which, given that she's an automaton and these fags are not, is a good achievement for her
>and a big shame for those poser fags
>you stopped copying riffs from badass power metal bands and started creating your own, and they aren't half-bad
>hell, you think you could perform as you are!
>you assemble your band and announce that you are going on a tour!
<[Ratchet] "Wee-hee!"
<[Carmina] "Finally, we're getting out of this garage..."
<[Nona] *angry drum-beat*
>your girls are happy about the opportunity
>with elevated moods, you begin preparing for your first performance at the Holy Fucking Shit Metal-Fest
>this is the day!
>you're at the fest, with a bunch more other bands
>you can see a shitload of newbloods like you, along with some of the more recognized names
>you can see Iron Maiden, the whole cast now married to automatons
>rumor is they're relying on those automatons to create their music, but honestly, you can't tell the difference
>you see Manowar, all four members with their husbands
>there's Ayreon, that guy's got like twenty wives now
>half of them come from other bands
>you all get ready for the MASSIVE PERFORMANCE
>you and a bunch of other newwies go first
>you can feel the pure energy coming from the stage as you are playing
>quite more than a few pairs of soaked panties flew your way as you were on the stage, playing lead-guitar and back-vocals
>by the time you've finished, the stage was filled with ecstatic cries, squeals whatever sounds produced by the girls
>some even tried to storm the stage and rape you, they were promptly stopped by the magical barrier
>once the new bands have played themselves out, here come the more established names
<[Announcer] "Up next, Manowar!!!"
>the four tough-looking alps promptly occupy the stage and start playing
<"Heavy metal, or no metal at all, Wimps and posers leave the hall"
>immediately after playing this line, Manowar leaves the stage
>next, Ayreon comes up
>followed by fifteen more bands formed by Arjen-Anthony Lucassen
>after his numerous marriages, the Dutch nerd-hippie experienced a huge increase of creativity, writing magnificent space-metal operas
>he couldn't finish his performance before getting stormed by an army of monster-girls, had to flee the festival to save his ass from mass rape
>Iron Maiden decided to ditch the crap and dedicate the performance to their automaton wives, who have been in charge of creating their songs all this time
>it's a little-known fact, but they've been writing their music using an old Perlin procedural generator running on an Apple PC from 80s before they've met their automaton wives
>that's why it all sounds the same over decades
>Ozzy Osbourne was revived by his vampire wife, the one he gently nibbed back in '82 while she was in bat form, so he could participate in the gig
>his arrival was announced by a long string of curses and profanities, typical of him
>well, you could sympathize with him
>he's living with a fucking vampire, you'd be cursing all the time too if you were married to one
>then Avantasia came in, after the guys got married to those gandharvas, their musical skills upped a lot
>the festival lasted for a whole week, band after band performed to keep the energy and music flowing
>and finally, this is it!
>the time of awards!
>"Now then, Mr. Incognitus' band, the Shit Slingers!"
>you proudly step forward beaming with joy
>for your amazing performance, you are being proudly awarded the Best Power Metal Band That Is Not Gay (After Gamma Ray)!
>woo, you've been awarded with a non-shitty award!
<"Woohoo! We did it, we did it!!!"
>all your band members are celebrating, too
>Nona aggressively bangs on the drums until they finally break in half
>Ratchet switches her mic to particle beam cannon mode and blasts rays of happiness into the sky
>one of them accidentally hits Druella's spy satellite, looks like some monster-girls would have to wait for that telemetry gathered on their targets
>Carmina opens up a bottle of vintage grape juice and downs it in one go
>Linda happily blast-generates tons of art and romance stories, flooding the ultranet with the sheer amount of information
>the next moment, you're being approached by a demon in a crimson swimsuit
<"Hello, I am from the Raging Boners Studios. Would you like a contract with our record company?"
>she offers you a paper and an ink pen
>you read this paper, it's a marriage contract
"HAHAHA no, sorry. This contract doesn't stipulate my complementary daily belly rubs!"
<"Uuuuuuuooooogh..."
>the demon, defeated and saddened, leaves the stage
"Well, this was a great festival! What do we do now?"
>everybody agrees on getting shitfaced at the local bar
<[Linda] "My power cells are also being fueled by alcohol! We can get drunk together!"
<[Nona] "BRAAAAAP--"
<[Ratchet] "And I can hack the TV in the bar so we can all play Vividenses 3 on my portable PC!"
<[Carmina] "B L O O D . . ."
[You] "Doggamnit, get away from me!"
>you manage to scare off the vampire, drunk on grape juice, with your garlic spray
>somehow, you manage to reach the bar unmolested
>well, see if you last it 'til you're back home...