I think a huge memory foam mattress and a bogey hybrid of your choice of monster as a living dakimura is the ideal outcome

>>91525 I saw a great dane try to jump into its owner's arms when a cat approached it

>>91525 What about other breeds of kobold? >Have spitfire latina chihuahua kobold waifu >She's a cuddlebug and you love the absolute shit out of her >BUT >You can't go out anywhere with her without her getting into a yelling match with someone >For such a tiny woman, she can really fucking holler >Lord help you if alcohol gets involved >She swears she's always hearing people talking shit about you and that she's gotta chew them out >Honestly she's probably half deaf from all her yelling >It helps that she really likes to get "punished" for being a "bad girl" after we get home

>>91527 weighted blanket ittan momen

>>91529 >terrier kobold >will tear apart your socks and growl >no one knows why >just really wants to kill socks

>>91528 I believe it. I've seen German Shepherds that are the same. >>91529 Then there's her near polar opposite... >French Bulldog kobold wife >Not significantly taller than a chihuahua (in dog scale, anyway), but THICC >Quiet as the grave, rarely speaks but to tell you how much she loves you >Will hide behind you rather than asserting herself, but is greatly appreciative when you stand up for her ("excuse me, she asked for no pickles.") >As close to "homely" as a monstergirl can get, but you think she's cute >Personal space? You gave that up when you got married >Husky kobold wife >Not husky at all despite the name, but floofy as all hell >Dear god, so much hair >Like a fatty, constantly sweaty unless she's up to her knees in snow >Feisty like a werewolf, sometimes gets aggressive to make you get a bit hands on but it's all in good fun and she can handle some roughhousing >Really chatty, even when no one's listening >Keeps building you sleds for some reason

Dog...

>>91460 Cannie

>>91533 What's up?

>>91535 Anon that's clearly a Familiar, not a dog

>>91536 Familiars don't have fluffy tails like this.

>>91535 Nooooo, what did they do to chesho

>>91535 JARL ULFRIC WHAT IS THAT THING

>>91540 Romance the enemy dragon princess?! Are you out of your mind!? What a queer notion! No, we should defeat her the good old way. With 6 units of wyvern paladins and 13 trebuchets. You'll lead the charge, Prince Anon. Click the advisor button to get advice on how to win the battle.

Be mindful that beast mamono can hear what you're listening to on your headphones. From surprising distance too.

>>91541 It was a stupid idea. I deleted it. My bad

>>91541 Economy wins these wars! And do you know why? Because hardworking worker units can just castle-drop you!

>>91544 you may have a point >order soldiers >I'm not paid enough for this! >You want me to be at the front? Can't someone else do it? >If my payday's late I'm gonna revolt! >monsters >Yay, all my friends are here! >*salivating*

>>91545 When order soldiers become extremist soldiers, they're far more motivated

>>91546 male extremist soldiers must be a screwed up bunch, maybe the minority are good willed but I bet most of them just love war and hacking people up alongside their psycho war wife

>>91547 If i got to stab people but avoid the moral dilemma of them actually dying i'd have some fun with military adventurism too

>>91548 >but avoid the moral dilemma of them actually dying Thankfully KC introduced the convenient Demon Silver®, so you can laugh maniacally while plunging your big demonic chainsaw into dumbass Order villagers and nobody dies. War crimes were never so fun! <ARE YOU READY TO DIE FOR ME????

>>91547 You're dumb, the main motivators would be to secure a future for their wife and children, to free their compatriots and spread the word of Eros

Ok, maybe you're not that dumb but a few stabstab retards in the thread don't represent most men

>>91550 There are definitely other ways to do that than taking the sword up against your own kind. Of all the paths you can go down with your new life, picking that one reveals at least a little but of doomguy in you.

>>91551 >stabstab retards But you are supposed to stabstab your wife, it can't be retarded

>>91552 Fugggg, you're right I'm a stabstab retard too.

stabstab the kids too, spare nobody

>>91552 >Titus >My husband >yuo are incubus now and must choose >will yuo accept slow, careful diplomatic maneuvering of centuries old demons to peacefully integrate other humans >or >hakc and cleave like barbarian <wife <why do you ask <it was never even a choice

>Stab-stab the man-things! <Honey, do we have to do this role play again?

Koji Suzuki, author of the Ring and the father of Sadako has passed. Give his daughter a hug.

>>91561 Sad onryo

So, when mamono come, all the bullies, thugs, and government officials turn into Alps. And all the people they've abused are allowed to carry weapons and use them in self-defence. It's smoking fags time!

>>91562 Makes me wish I owned a CRT TV

>>91563 >smoking fags time an interesting way to describe eating Alpussy

>>91564 AAAAAAAH, SEXY PALE BUSTY WOMAN, PLEASE DON'T SUCK MY DICK NOOOOOOOOO

Smoking a fag in Britain vs. Smoking a fag in America

>>91566 HELP HELP A SEXY WOMAN WHO WANTS ME IS COMING INTO MY LIFE THROUGH MY SCREEN AAHHHH

>>91564 >Your CRT TV be like: <"I'm a CRT TV, Do you know of the systemic racial oppression in America?" >well, it IS a CRT TV

>>91567 >t. gay Anon who is bad at processing his gay feelings for getting bussy blasted Call me when you alp!~

>the German word Alpdruck (literally 'elf-oppression') means 'nightmare'. sounds like a good time to me

>>91571 >go to bed >wake up with an Alp on your chest <Sup bro? Truly nightmarish

Alp is funny. Asides from being a quirky kind of incubus there's literally nothing as far as I can tell in any known folklore that talks about homosexuality. KC literally just made it up to have gay succcs.

>>91573 >homosexuality >gay succcs Alps fall under gender bender fetishism, the whole point is to have female + male via magic bullshit, fags are male + male.

>>91574 >alps fall under a gay fetish Yes I am aware of this

>>91573 I guess he laser focused on the folklore Alp ability to shapeshift.

>>91576 >shapeshift What's the difference between a lowercase and uppercase shape?

>>91576 He must have had some hyper fucked up translation for a source material.

>>91578 May be worth asking in >>61039 if there was some other media inspiration.